I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
