She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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