I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
