so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
