I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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