So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
