I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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