no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my sisters under your porch take her home
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sex in a hospital.. check
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
