No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
