We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
