Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
