Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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