She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
