Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
