Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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