his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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