Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
