she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dont even know how to be here
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize