I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
