can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
