More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
