i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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