I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
