East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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