Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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