I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
