I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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