Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
