Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
