"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
