Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
