Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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