He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
