Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
