Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
