Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
