I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
