No period for spring break; use this wisely.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
