friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
