i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
