I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
