Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
