I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
