I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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