I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
