So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You were trust falling into bushes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
