Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
