i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
