Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
