The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
