so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize