mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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