Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
