Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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