And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
