I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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