Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have aggressive nipples.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
