she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
