dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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