Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
