need another drink. this is the easiest way
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
