Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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