mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Are we still banned from the library?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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