I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
