sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
