did you get engaged???
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
