The maid of honor just puked.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
