Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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