If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You are the jesus of drinking
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
