Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
