having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
