why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
