This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
