the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
