we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
