dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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