She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
