i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
