But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
