nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize