Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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