In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
